roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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