Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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