Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
