Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
