So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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