my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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