what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize