butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
