oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize