Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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