I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
