im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize