I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize