I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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