Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
