You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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