it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
