Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
