fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
