I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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