i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
