I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
