I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
