If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
