i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
