FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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