So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
