Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
