I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
