i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I forget how to act sober
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
