I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
