he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize