God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
