hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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