I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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