I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
