I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
