I think I am morally bankrupt
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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