is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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