OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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