i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
