she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize