She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My bed smells like the plague
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
