Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
