i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
