Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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