First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
