Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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