She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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