is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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