I cockslap morals
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dignity is for republicans.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
