it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
