I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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