he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
