maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I just sharted jello shots
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