Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
