They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
