Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
