I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize