How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
