Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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