I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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