dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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