I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
