I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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