...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize