Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
