So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize