Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
